Dreams
I believe that once I started to truly put my faith into God, I started to dream about you, and I believe they came with a purpose. Whether it was to bring peace to me on the nights when I missed you most or to give me some direction when I felt lost or maybe even to make sure I kept on fighting for you, which I have. A long time ago someone advised me that when I have these dreams. I should keep a journal and write them down, so I did. Here are the ones that have impacted me the most…
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February 10th, 2024
I walk into a restaurant; I want to say it’s like Ford’s garage or something very similar. You’re sitting there looking as beautiful as can be. We exchange hellos and hugs, but you seem very reserved. You’re not saying to much so I begin to ask you questions. I want to say I asked you like 15 different questions ranging from “what can I do to fix us?” to “How did you sleep?”, and no matter what I asked you your response was the same “I just need more time…”. This went on for about an hour until you said that you had to go to the bathroom, so we both stood up and went to the bathroom at the same time. When I get back to the table you are gone, and an old man with grey hair is sitting in your seat. I ask him “Where is Blasia?”, and he simply says to me “She just needs more time” …
March 20th, 2024
It’s the middle of the night and I kind of float up to your window as if I’m like a spirit. I look through your window watching you and you’re in bed crying. I want to say that it is because of us, but I honestly cannot tell. I can feel your pain though. I’m trying everything in my power to get into that room and hold you, but like I said (I’m like a spirit), but I’m fighting tooth and nail to get in. it seems like the harder I try to get in the harder you cry. It’s like you can feel me fighting for you, but its also not what you need in this moment, so I just stand there by the window, eyes full of tears, watching the woman I love cry her eyes out and there’s absolutely nothing I can do. I whisper I love you, and you stop crying as if you can hear me…​
May 16th, 2024
This is the dream the prompted me to go to your house and visit you… It starts off with me pulling up to your house. It feels like a Saturday, I want to say it’s around noon. It is such a bright and sunny day, the kinda day where the sun feels like it’s right on your face, but it’s not hot, it’s welcoming. It feels like god’s smiling if you can imagine that. I got out of my car, and I walked up to your door. I wait anxiously for someone to answer, and your brother opens the door (which is funny, because that actually happened). We great each other and exchanged smiles, it was a feeling of (nice to see you again without saying it). He gets you and you come to the door, you look confused to see me, but a smile creeps through. I ask you to come outside and speak to me. What I said next I'll never forget: 'Hi! I just want to start off by saying that I love you, but that is not why I am here. I've prayed for you, your mother, and your family every night, and God has made it clear to me that you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I know that as much help as you may have, this burden is falling hardest upon you. I am here for you; I need to be here for you. I know you may not want my help at this very moment considering our circumstances, but whatever you need from me, I will help you with no questions asked.' We spoke about a few different things, and exchanged a few laughs, but I left with the ability to help you in whatever small or big way you desired…
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July/August, 2024​
During these months I dreamt about you a lot, but none of the dreams were very powerful. I honestly found a lot of comfort in that, because in these dreams we were hanging out a lot. We were doing activities, laughing, just enjoying each other’s company as if nothing had ever changed between us. All of these dreams felt like the first 6 months of me knowing you. I believe that the reason these dreams were so regular is because this is around the time that your mother went into remission. I truly do believe that God has guided my dreams, and this part of it impacted me the most. Yes, these dreams weren’t as meaningful as the others, but I believe they were lighthearted, because you finally had some peace in your life with your mom being in remission…
September 23rd, 2024
It starts off with me sitting in a poorly lit room. There are no lights on, and the curtain is barely open, but enough to see it is late afternoon, on a cloudy/gloomy day. I’m sitting in the back of the room about 15 feet away from you. There is a kid sitting at a computer desk and it looks like you are tutoring him, but I am not certain of what you are working on. At no point during this time of me watching you guys’ work do you pay any mind to me, but I can feel as if you are aware that I am in the room. There is no acknowledgement, but the energy felt warm. This goes on for what feels to be an hour. After you are finished the kid walks out of the room and you finally turn to me. You walk towards me and as you get closer you lean over as to give me your cheek to kiss it, and as I lean forward to kiss your cheek you turn and kiss me on the lips. We kiss, you smile, then you walk out of the room…
November 14th, 2024
The day starts off like any other day. In the dream we are not in contact, so I’m not exactly sure how it comes together. Somehow there were 2 flights from NYC to Tampa; same departing/arriving time, same airline, every detail is the same except for the flight number which was off by 1 digit. The flights take off from NYC around 5pm and should arrive I Tampa around 9ish. On one of the planes is 5 of my closest friends, my dawgs, I’m sure you can imagine which boys it was, and on the other flight is you… my angel. It pops up on the news around 6pm that 1 of the 2 flights have disappeared. For the next hour or 2 people start migrating to the airport to get more info. We’re harassing airport staff, checking monitors, looking on google for updates, and no news. Around 8 there’s a report on the monitors in the airport, and it turns out that 1 of the flights has crashed, but we are still unsure who. At this point 2 screens pop up in my dream and 1 has all my boys’ names and the other has just yours. Then suddenly, a name scratches out, and it’s yours… When I tell you nothing else on this earth mattered to me in that moment… Not you… How could they take you? My friends flight lands and I honestly couldn’t even look at them, seeing them just reminded me that you were gone. I don’t believe I ever spoke to them again; I know it wasn’t their fault, but it was a constant reminder that you weren’t here anymore, and I couldn’t deal with it...​
December 5th, 2024
This dream starts off with us hanging out at someone’s house. I’m not sure whose house it is but it was just us there alone. We’re sitting talking, laughing, just enjoying each other’s company. Next thing I know we find ourselves lying down. No ones really saying anything, just a lot of smiling. It felt like the first night we met at my house. The thing about this dream is that I can feel that I am dreaming, in this dream I know about how things are currently between, so with great hesitation I lean in and kiss you. Based on how it felt, it seems as if you were as ready for it as I was. Things progress as they normally would in this situation, and we end up making love. In no dream this year have I even touched you, and up until my dream in September, I hadn’t even kissed you. But there we were in each other’s embrace. I can’t begin to tell you how amazing it felt. After that we decided to take a walk. We are in what appears to be a mall, but we end up in some attic type area. I ran into a bunch of my boys from the 6th/7th grade, and they began to chat me up. You tell me you need to go to the bathroom. As I’m talking to my friends, I see you trying to sneak down the stairs (which seems to be a theme in my dreams, the bathroom means you leave). I followed you down the stairs and now we’re back at the house we started off at. I look out the window and I see you get into a passenger seat of this black lady’s car, and she has 2 daughters in the back seat. I believe it is the 2 little girls you used to babysit for. I tell myself to stay inside and respect you leaving abruptly, but then I say no, and I chase after you. I ran down the driveway, and the car stops. I shrug my shoulder to motion to you as to ask if everything is okay. I smile and give me a thumbs up, and then you do your squinty eyed look, and you give me the middle finger, and now I’m confused. Then you start cracking up and wave goodbye and I smile back doing the same…